That is why I just blew off the roof when my friend went ballistic against her sister. It’s not that I condone what my friend’s sister is doing. What I wasn’t feeling was my friend beating up her sister for something my friend herself has done – having an affair! Not just once, in the seven years that I’ve known her.
Not one to mince words, I told my friend exactly what was on my mind. And this was what my friend had to say about her sister: “Her case is different than mine. She’s doing this just to entertain herself. I know her husband. He’s good looking. He’s intelligent. He’s nice. He’s a good person. And my sister agrees. And she says that she loves him. That is why I am furious. She is risking losing what is good in her life.”
My friend has a point. But it still didn’t feel right. It felt like she was now justifying her own affairs. I know her husband and I wouldn’t have a husband like him. But spouses’ flaws, whether real or imagined, are they reasons to have affairs? Are they reasons or are they excuses -- excuses for one’s own flaws?
If a relationship is not working out, if a partner is not working out, wouldn’t the more decent thing to do be to go separate ways (temporarily or permanently) before “exploring people” and having affairs? Isn’t it a sign of one’s own weakness to be having affairs while lingering in a supposedly dysfunctional relationship because your partner makes threats, because you want to have the best of all worlds, or because you need a back up plan as you can’t handle being alone on your own?
I guess I’ll never know the answers until I am in such a situation myself. And believe me, being in that situation is not in my shortlist of dreams and wishes. Till then, I will just continue giving people the slack that I hope will be accorded me when it is my turn to need it.
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