I did my annual benefits enrolment today. And part of that is a health assessment. Guess what? The assessment says that I am moderately to highly depressed! Now that’s depressing!
So, I spent the better part of the day thinking what things are making me depressed:
TV. All the TV shows I follow had tearjerker episodes this week! My goodness, they all made me cry! And it all started with last Sunday’s Brothers & Sisters episode.
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TIME. There are so many things I want to do, but there is so little time … and money!
TIME. There are so many things I want to do, but there is so little time … and money!
WORK. I’ve fallen out of love with work. Historically, I’ve managed to stay in relationship with my work for an average of 3 years. After 3 years, I tend to get bored and in need of something new to do. Mid next year is my 3rd year in my current role. This early, I am raring to change roles. Why am I falling short of my average? I’m not feeling the leadership. Take note. I am not referring to individuals or personalities here. I am referring to, well, leadership – the people who are supposed to serve as models, to guide, to empower, to motivate, to inspire. It is obvious. My leadership are unhappy too with their own leadership, thus the lack of passion in their work and in the team.
Make no mistake about it though. I am very grateful that I have a job at all. Thus, I know that I owe my job my best. And this I do. It takes twice or even triple the effort though given the blandness I am feeling for it right now.
On the other hand, it’s also a challenge carrying the fear that, tomorrow, even your bland job is gone.
UPCOMING VACATION. Can’t wait for it, but at the same time I’m dead scared of it. You see, I agreed to spend a weekend with my EX. Why did I agree to? It’s because I am hoping to get answers then. And the answers can go either way. It can mean the end of a long-winded chapter or the beginning of a sweet, new one. I don’t know what to expect and the anticipation is killing me ...
Or maybe, it’s just that period in life when hormones are all crazy and going off-tangent? Now I understand why plates suddenly started flying and breaking into pieces when my mom was in her 50s. LOL!
2 comments:
I can understand how you feel. Depression surely makes you feel like you are stuck in the mud or down the bottom of a well. Taking the time to work out what makes depressed is good, but changing our life to avoid something that makes you feel down can be two sided, as when we change something and it doesn't make us better can make us depressed.
I am the same when comes to entertainment that can make us sad. I once attened a motivational seminar and they said that by waking up earlier each day can help give you more time to yourself. I think I would still prefer to sleep. I)n the same seminar they said that if you have become bored with your job, try to set challenges for you to meet each day. Vacation. It mayb the best thing for you as you may just find those answers that you are looking for.
I hope I have not come across as offensive. I am only passing a few ideas that you may find useful or totally off the track.
Hi Betterman, no offense taken.
You mentioned about "sleeping". Right after I took the health assessment test, I received a couple of emails for me to enrol in an on-line "depression" counseling. And I did. I didn't see any harm in doing so. It re-tested me for depression and it said that I am not depressed, but highly stressed.
Still and all, it gave a customized program to manage stress. And one of the recommendations was for me to sleep less. Thing is, I feel so much better (always!) upon waking up :-) So, I am with you there.
Nice to read from you again.
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