My EX and I met 8 years ago, became an “item” 8 months later after we met, and only became a couple 4 months much later. At first, it was just sex. We had what they used to call a “mutual understanding” and we played it cool. But four months later, annoyed by my coolness, she summoned me and blurted out: “I love you … I think.” And so a couple we became.
Two months into the relationship, just when everything in life tasted sweet as honey, the first test of our relationship came: my green card arrived. In six months, I had to be a landed immigrant. I will be leaving and will be living a day behind my EX’s world; our world, used to be.
We tried hard, very hard to make it work across the miles. For 8 years, we managed to see each other at least 3 times a year – she’d fly to me two times a year, I to her once a year; even after we broke off.
What led to the break-up? A series of events:
• She said she’d fix her papers so that she can follow me soonest; instead she bought herself a condo. An “investment” she said.
• The company she currently worked for could relocate her to the U.S., but she jumped ship and joined another company. She said that she was promoted to a “floating” position – one which is more staff than line in function – and that the new job would relocate her to the U.S. just the same.
• True enough, her employer fixed her papers, which she herself delayed though because she wasn’t sure whether she’d stay long in the company. She said she “wasn’t feeling it” there and she didn’t want to appear that the green card was all she was after.
Dense me shrugged all of these off. But then, came more.
• After my father died, I asked her to give (yes, she was in a position to actually give) me a job where my sibling lived. I wanted to be with my sibling so that, together, we can petition my mom to the U.S. Together, my brother and I would be financially qualified to bring our mom here. My EX didn’t give me the job. She had me interviewed by other people under the guise of “being objective”. She said that she didn’t want me to live near my brother because my brother would turn into a total parasite and feed on me.
This coming from someone who had delayed fixing her U.S. papers and whom had then become the favorite subject of the rumor mill -- my friend saw her on a date (which later she said was a meeting with her banker). Moving along …
• She decided to retire from her current company and “experimented” with a friend. She was believably remorseful so I looked the other way, especially then that she can move to the U.S. with me.
• She went back home, home to get her condo fixed and rented; but ended up living in it because (1) she got a new job, and (2) since she put blood, sweat and tears into the renovation, she would like to enjoy her condo first.
• She ended up “experimenting” again with a long-time friend who helped her during the condo renovation.
We broke up, yet it didn’t stop there. In a last ditch effort to save the dying relationship, I went home as scheduled. Stayed a week with her as usual upon her suggestion, and for what?
• Second night she said she had to spend at a very close friend’s traditional Christmas party, which turned out to be true.
• Third night she lied and spent the night with her condo renovation friend.
Tried to stand firm on our break-up; determined not to have anything to do with her, but she won’t have it. Slowly, it felt like she was warming up again. I was even greeted back in the U.S. with a heartfelt email from her. She had visited me 4 times in the U.S. since. More heartfelt emails, text messages, and BBMs, but I would catch her, time and again, keeping in touch with her condo renovation friend.
Later, I will talk about the icing on the cake …
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