Losing The Right To Complain

People say that I am a patient person; in fact too patient at times, they say. People also say that I am a good listener; that’s why people and problems flock to me, I’m told.

But this weekend, I was neither of these. My friend stayed over the weekend. And what she had to say (not the first, second nor third time for me to hear) triggered a tirade from me. Why? Here’s why.

Your husband cheats on you. Painful. I get it. I got cheated on as well. Twice. So, I get it. Question is, what do you do next?

First time she told me about it, she sounded like she wanted to fight for him. She wanted him back. Fine. So, I supported that. I can understand. They married right out of college, had a baby, immediately migrated to and started a life from scratch in the US, had another kid (a special one) and stayed married for the next 23 years.

But I told her: “You’ve got to drop it. No more mention of the cheating. Forgive and forget. You can’t keep bringing it up.”

She agreed.

Two months later, she called again and ended spending the night over. Turned out, she caught her husband again. With the same woman. I tell you, I’ve never seen such a woman scorned in real life. She talked my ears off till 3 am! The following day, we parted ways with a list of her “things to do” to get her domestic affairs in order.

Several phone calls later, she’s back at my place with the same rants. Then I asked her: “Where are we on the list of ‘things to do’”?

The answer I got: “One.”

All these months, she had done only one item on a list of 12. She’s still working on the 11 others. She’s still “analyzing and planning” how. In the meantime, she allowed her husband to move back in. She’s still scheming. And ranting! Over the same things! We are where we first started. We are going in circles!

And she had the gall to tell me: “You don’t understand. You’re not married and you don’t have kids.”

I wanted so much to blurt out: “Then why are you coming to me? Why don’t you go talk to someone who’s married and has kids?! Go waste somebody else’s time!” Thank God I was able to hold these thoughts in. 

What I did tell her is:  "Look. We've swung from one end of the pendulum to the other.  You wanted to work it out and I supported you.  You wanted to leave him and I supported you.  I feel frustrated because we're neither here nor there.  You've barely made a move and yet here you are complaing about your husband!  What about you?  What are you doing to make things better; if not for the two of you as couple, at least for yourself?"

Geeeez! All these months, all those talks, all those rants! I can only be patient and help so much! The rest must come from the actual person herself. It’s not very motivating to help someone who will not help one’s self. I don’t think anyone who chooses to find reasons – no, excuses – and remain in a miserable situation has the right to continue complaining.

I may be wrong and judgmental, but I believe that one loses the right to complain when one chooses to stay miserable when there is a reasonable opportunity to make things better and be happy.

"No One Knows My Sadness"

I've become a blogaholic! Not good as it is getting in the way of work, of which I've tons of!

Anyway, as I indulged in my newfound addiction, I gained real appreciation for blogging: blogging is literally and figuratively good for the soul! There's a lot of us out there who are able to get things off our chests -- happy things, sad things, annoying things ... small things, big things ... real things, imagined things.

For the happy and content bloggers, I envy you. I, too, have and will blog about happy things. Believe it or not, for all my aches and pains, I am lucky to be a positive, happy, and even crazy person deep down.

For all the bloggers that are currently facing stormy weather, I have been thinking of what to write to ease your hurt; to help you get to stand up and walking on your own two feet again, chin up!

And then I remembered this song. A song that helped me through the time when I gave up everything I had to go follow a forbidden love in a foreign country, only to find out when I arrived that my love had opted to be with another. Yes, this was six years before my current EX, when I was still in my 20s (yes, I've been stung really hard twice!). Hope this song gives you the drive to move on as it did to me.

Oh, by the way, the title of this post are words from my forbidden love's then 4-year old son; when his grandma passed away.

Hero

(Mariah Carey)

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

Chorus

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face your world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

(Chorus)

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In time

You'll find the way

(Chorus)

Thanks to Absolute Lyrics