Sunday, July 18

God Forbid That I Be "The Other Woman"

A good friend of mine, my age, married for the last 23 years or so, with two kids (one in post graduate studies, the other about to go to college), called me one work night and threw me a bomb: "My husband is having an affair!"

Come the weekend, a co-worker sent me an email:  "My husband slept with the nanny!"

Having been on the receiving end of such scenarios, I got really caught up in my girl friends' plights.  And once again, I was thrown into a conundrum of lies, anger, pain. 

Why do people in relationships have affairs?  How can people be "intimate" with more than one person at the same time?  Can someone really be "in love" with more than one person?  How can one even think of hurting someone he/she loves? 

I do not have the answers.  All I know is that, these things do happen, rightly or wrongly.  And that, knowing the pain and brokenness these can cause, I can only pray that I do not get to be on the giving end and be the other woman.  Why?  It's like having all guns pointed right at you.  You're faced with bearing everyone's pain -- the wife's/girlfriend's, the kids' (if any), your lover's (if love is real), and yours.  Now, why would anyone want that?

I mean, really.  Think about it.

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Anonymous said...

The reason why people have affairs are varied. Some of them could be within the cheater. Others could be a flaw within the relationship. Regardless, the end result of an affair is always painful.

SAM said...

Agree on all points. My next post will touch on the subject again, as I stumble on another "affair tale".

kendra30752 said...

Hay there! I love what you said in this post! "Ye have heard that it is was said: don't commit adultery. but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Im like you, I could never be the other woman and I just can't understand why people can be that way. I have a lot of stong beliefs in that area. I believe when you're in a relationship, you should be strictly with that person if you love them. I don't believe that you could truly love a person and still betray and hurt them so deeply. I am sorry to hear that you've been through things like that. :(

Also, my older sister was having an affair with her husband's best friend, actually he was a married police officer until they investigated the issue with adultery and his recent lashing out and abusing his wife, so he lost his job as an officer just last month. Since she's been seeing him she's turned her back on her entire family and children (whom I care for) and her husband just found out. So, yes, adultrey really is such a devastating thing. I think many people take for granted what marriage and relationships are really about. It makes me sad.

SAM said...

Hi Kendra, thank you for sharing this detail in your life.

This much I am confident to say: we can only pray that we never ever get into this situation of becoming the "other woman". I've been in situations that I never wanted nor even thought of being in before, but found myself there anyway.

Continue praying for your sister. But don't pray for what you think should happen or what you want to happen. Pray for God's will, which may not be obvious at once. But believe that everything will work out for the best in the end.

Also, you may find my post "He Who Has Not Sinned Cast The First Stone" interesting. It is a good follow-up read after this one.

Take care.

kendra30752 said...

True. Sam, at first, when my sister told me what was going on I freaked and had a little hard feelings toward her, but I realized that what she needed was someone to be there for her. So, I told her that I didn't agree with her behavior, and wasn't happy that she made me a part of this in a way, then I told her that no matter what Iwould support her not judge her, and want nothing but for her to be happy. She actually called shortly after that and said that it meant everything to her that I would be the one there for her when nobody else would.

It's been a struggle for the entire family, but I truly want her to be happy and same for her husband. My biggest concern though, is the kids (theyre the ones I care for) and theyve had it rough with this, but they're my first priority. :)

Thank you and I will read more. I actually just now read a few of your latest post. I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough week last week. :( I also read your post on the miscarriage. That was a great post. Sad for the mother, but I'm glad she had a change for the better.

Anyways, you can e-mail me anytime :) I'd be glad to talk to you. You've listened to me and been a great help and I'd be happy to return the favor in any way.

Warmest wishes,