I've lived my life one day at a time, taking in things as they come. Some things made sense, others not. Regardless, I moved on. And on. And on. Freeflow. But as the days go shorter and fewer, I now find myself holding back every now and then. Musing. Trying to make sense of it all. Why? That's what I'm hoping to find out. Before the days run out.
I did my annual benefits enrolment today. And part of that is a health assessment. Guess what? The assessment says that I am moderately to highly depressed! Now that’s depressing!
So, I spent the better part of the day thinking what things are making me depressed:
TV. All the TV shows I follow had tearjerker episodes this week! My goodness, they all made me cry! And it all started with last Sunday’s Brothers & Sisters episode.
COFFEE SHOP FORUM.Have you ever wondered what will become of the youth and what their world will be like in the future? Go visit Blogger's Coffee Shop Forum.
TIME. There are so many things I want to do, but there is so little time … and money!
WORK. I’ve fallen out of love with work. Historically, I’ve managed to stay in relationship with my work for an average of 3 years. After 3 years, I tend to get bored and in need of something new to do. Mid next year is my 3rd year in my current role. This early, I am raring to change roles. Why am I falling short of my average? I’m not feeling the leadership. Take note. I am not referring to individuals or personalities here. I am referring to, well, leadership – the people who are supposed to serve as models, to guide, to empower, to motivate, to inspire. It is obvious. My leadership are unhappy too with their own leadership, thus the lack of passion in their work and in the team.
Make no mistake about it though. I am very grateful that I have a job at all. Thus, I know that I owe my job my best. And this I do. It takes twice or even triple the effort though given the blandness I am feeling for it right now.
On the other hand, it’s also a challenge carrying the fear that, tomorrow, even your bland job is gone.
UPCOMING VACATION. Can’t wait for it, but at the same time I’m dead scared of it. You see, I agreed to spend a weekend with my EX. Why did I agree to? It’s because I am hoping to get answers then. And the answers can go either way. It can mean the end of a long-winded chapter or the beginning of a sweet, new one. I don’t know what to expect and the anticipation is killing me ...
Or maybe, it’s just that period in life when hormones are all crazy and going off-tangent? Now I understand why plates suddenly started flying and breaking into pieces when my mom was in her 50s. LOL!